Worthiness

"You're useless. You are not worthy of respect. You don't deserve happiness. You're pathetic. You're not good enough. You'll never be good enough." Picture yourself saying those words to a beautiful, smiling doe-eyed baby, and then imagine saying those same phrases to an innocent young child. Really mean the words, put some real tone into them. See their reaction as they hear and understand the words.

You struggled, didn't you? How on earth could you possibly bring yourself to be so horrible to a baby or child? It just feels so wrong.

Yet how many times have you addressed yourself in this derogatory, demeaning manner with full conviction behind the words? How many times have you accepted this self abuse without question, taken it to heart and really believed it?

If an infant or child made a mistake or did not get something quite right you would treat them lovingly and compassionately. If they were old enough to understand you might gently and helpfully tell them how they could do better next time. If they were upset as a result of their own error, to the point of tears perhaps, you would embrace them and do your utmost to lift their spirits.

Were you not a child once upon a time? Were you not a baby whose interpretation of the world at the early stage of development had no concept of right and wrong? A being who would just be and take joy in new experiences and seeking nothing but having your needs met. You didn't question whether you were worthy of love or whether you were good enough, you just accepted love as it came and continued to learn about the environment around you.

You are just as worthy of love and respect as that baby or child you once were. Your worth is and always will be innate.

You are still that baby and child in spirit and soul and to a certain extent in physical form - neurons of the cerebral cortex, the inner lens cells of the eye, and muscle cells of the heart last a lifetime.

Make a commitment to be mindful of the words you use when you are addressing yourself. Once you catch yourself being verbally abusive, imagine yourself addressing yourself as a baby or child saying the exact same words and feel into the discomfort experienced from doing so. Then consider a more reasonable, compassionate and loving way to talk to yourself. Turn the negative words around into phrases that are encouraging and uplifting. You could even turn them into affirmations.

Comments

  1. Superb way to get across a point how we refer to ourselves. I catch myself talking to myself like this all the time!! Will try your strategy to stop it!

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    1. Thank you for your comment Stacey. It's a really powerful way to reduce the power of self-criticism.

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  2. When friends judge themselves harshly I usually ask them what they would say to me, if I had expressed the same issues that they are having. We should treat ourselves better.

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Rachel. Similarly, it can be useful to consider whether we would talk to our friends in the same way that we talk to ourselves.

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  3. Oh I can be guilty of this but I always manage to give myself a stern talking to because I know I don't deserve to feel this way.

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Anne. I'm happy to hear that you are firm with yourself :)

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