Who holds your pen?

What is your story? Who has written or who is writing the chapters of your life? Who selects the plot lines to be explored or the characters who participate therein? Who holds your pen?

Maybe you started that job because it has become a family tradition to work in that profession, but you feel that it does not let you be the most authentic version of yourself. Ask yourself, "Who is writing my story then, is it me or is it history?"

Maybe at a young age you decided you wanted to be in a particular profession and now you're in it it's slowly tearing you apart, but you feel that it's too late to change as your life has already gone too far in that direction. Ask yourself, "Who is writing my story then, is it me or is it a far younger version of myself without my knowledge and experience?"

Maybe people are telling you that you're not enough to follow your dream, or that it's unrealistic. Ask yourself, "Do I want others to tell me how I live my life or do I want to take the leap and find out for myself what I can achieve?"

Whenever you stop yourself from doing something because you feel that others may judge you or disapprove, it is as though you are handing them the pen and saying to them, "I want you to decide the direction I take." If they take hold of the pen, you have to make a decision to take back the pen and start a new page or chapter, rather than continuing their narrative. You can either follow their map of your life or draw your own.

It's not as simple as just trying to erase their words. If you just lightly brush off their words, it will be like a palimpsest with the trace of their narrative lurking beneath the surface. Burn their pages if you have to - physically write down the story they have been trying to make your life follow and then (safely) set light to the paper and if you need to, burn the relationship from your life.

Don't be bitter, mentally thank them for the lessons they have taught you, be grateful for those learnings and forgive (you may find the ho'ponopono technique useful). Remember they were doing their best based on their own life experiences.

Maybe it's not others who are telling you that you are silly dreaming big, that you're not enough. Perhaps it's you. When you inwardly or outwardly berate yourself, you are etching those words into the palimpsest of your life.

Imagine how different your life could be if those words were instead uplifting or supportive.

A fantastic exercise would be to explore in your journal, who you think you are and more importantly who you want to be! Identify the gaps between those two people and set intentions for building the bridge between them. Then write out at least five steps you can take now to start building the bridge.  Be grateful for the person you are right now, and remember that you couldn't become the person you want without first of all being the person you are now.

Take some time today to reflect upon who is holding your pen. Remember, it's never too late to take back the pen and write your own story, in your own handwriting.


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